Dear Sweetened Condensed Milk,
To say that I was out of line this weekend is nothing less than an understatement. When I said that you were quote, "a relic of the Fifties" and "fucking worthless" it was with a breadth of ignorance I was not aware I was capable of. I am truly sorry. I was no more sorry than the moment I laid eyes on the soggy, wobbly Pumpkin Pie I made without you. It was an absolute abomination, having neither the colour nor consistency nor regal bearing of that which we call Pie.
As a mainstay of holiday desserts I am sure you know better than anyone the stress involved in making a memorable Thanksgiving meal for people with whom you have had decades long relationships. It is often Thanksgiving or, "Nearly get into a fist fight over cranberry sauce with a 65 year old woman, Annual Drink-a-thon" where familial ties are tested, where old wounds are freshly opened and a properly made, extra delicious pie is the most potent healing salve known to mankind. My failure to deliver due to my failure to appreciate the tireless work that you do has left an ugly scar on the face of this most sacred holiday. I blamed you when it was my own hubris that caused this folly.
My conduct was and is inexcusable but I hope that this apology can go some way to bridging the gap that now divides us.
With a pie plate full of shame and a heavy heart,
Adam Greene
To say that I was out of line this weekend is nothing less than an understatement. When I said that you were quote, "a relic of the Fifties" and "fucking worthless" it was with a breadth of ignorance I was not aware I was capable of. I am truly sorry. I was no more sorry than the moment I laid eyes on the soggy, wobbly Pumpkin Pie I made without you. It was an absolute abomination, having neither the colour nor consistency nor regal bearing of that which we call Pie.
As a mainstay of holiday desserts I am sure you know better than anyone the stress involved in making a memorable Thanksgiving meal for people with whom you have had decades long relationships. It is often Thanksgiving or, "Nearly get into a fist fight over cranberry sauce with a 65 year old woman, Annual Drink-a-thon" where familial ties are tested, where old wounds are freshly opened and a properly made, extra delicious pie is the most potent healing salve known to mankind. My failure to deliver due to my failure to appreciate the tireless work that you do has left an ugly scar on the face of this most sacred holiday. I blamed you when it was my own hubris that caused this folly.
My conduct was and is inexcusable but I hope that this apology can go some way to bridging the gap that now divides us.
With a pie plate full of shame and a heavy heart,
Adam Greene
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| An unsung hero... |
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