"All sorrows can be borne if you put them in a story"

You wanna know one of my Pet Peeves? Possibly my Pet Peeviest Pet Peeve? Desperate Guys on the internet. Shocking, I know. A lot of men online seem to suck and have been sucking for a while now and these insecure bastards are screwing over everybody with their pathetic and gross behaviour. Look, by 23, 24 and certainly by 25 you've got to become self-aware. You have to know that what you say and how you comport yourself can make you look like an asshole. You just have to. It's really the sign of a confident, competent man. You don't have to know true love, or what you want out of life, or even woken up next to a prostitute named Daisy, but you have to know what you are and how both your speech and actions make you look. It's a rule. A new rule, but a big one. Lord knows I am not the pinnacle of anything but I know what I am aiming for when writing online and more importantly how those statements are likely to be seen. For the most part. There are occasions when thi...

Desserts can get you into trouble. I remember my first brownie. I was at a party years back with my wife. She had gone off to talk to friends and I saddled up to the bar to avoid talking to anyone. I put my drink order in and looked around. Sat on a plate to my right was a solitary brownie. A loner. We made brief eye contact before I looked away. It buttered me up with a cheesy line, “What's a guy got to do to get in your mouth, huh?” I'll admit that I laughed at that. We chitchatted back and forth for a while. I explained my move out of accounting to wood working, he spoke about being composed of bitter chocolate and almonds. It was the easiest conversation I had ever had. B: “So, you want to get out of here?” A: “No, no. I'm married.” B: “Oh really? Where is she?” A: “What do you mean?” B: “If you were here with me and I was your husband, you wouldn't be sat here alone talking to a dessert like me.” Feeling guilty and stupid I made...

Here's something I wrote on OutsideXbox October 28th, 2016: You know what should become a standard feature in today's video games with all of their volumetric lighting and re-beautifying graphical whats-its? Photo Mode. I don't know why this isn't a thing. We love taking pictures of nothing to share with no one and it's only certain games from certain developers that allow us to shove our Nothings at No One. Arkham Knight (a pretty game) had photo mode: Rise of the Tomb Raider (a pretty game), no photo mode: Skyrim Remaster (a pretty-ish game), no photo mode. Not even Skyrimstagram . Am I crazy? Yes. But I still want it. NEW CONTENT: I love a Photo Mode even though I take no particular pleasure in reviewing people's photographs. It's a wonder I am on Instagram at all. Social Media, amIright? It's dreadful. Anyhoo, Photo Mode as I've experienced it allows you to really appreciate the graphical fidelity of games you...